Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
