I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
