I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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