Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
