i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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