Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i think i just lost a toe
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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