No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
