Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
