they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
