Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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