it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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