I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
