Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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