saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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