i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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