I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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