I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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