Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
