I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
