I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
