Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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