oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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