Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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