I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently you make a good broom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
