in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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