I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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