Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
