Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
