I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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