yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
