During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize