Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They have beer where we have blood.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
