Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
