Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to make a zoo with you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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