Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
