wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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