everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
