So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nutella sex= disaster
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
