im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
