ya dads aren't the best wingmen
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize