dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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