Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
