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• (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??

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• (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.

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• (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (936): View more from Texas

  We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies

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