I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!