Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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