Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
