Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
