Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
