Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
