So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
