i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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