THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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