I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
