You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
