just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
